Callie's Story

Today we're sitting down with Callie, a woman (who is detransitioning from male to female), and who also happens to work in the sex industry.

This conversation is part of our ongoing effort to raise awareness, compassion, and support for sex workers and their dreams. To see the person beyond the label and beyond the type of work that they do.

This is Callie’s story, in her own words.

Komi: So great to here talking to you Callie, thank you for agreeing to share your story with us. I was hoping that you could tell me a little bit about yourself and how you found your way into sex work.

Callie: So hi, I'm Callie.

I'm a person that really loves like art, creativity, and many other things.

I found myself getting into the industry, I believe in 2018.

I first went into the industry as of a way to support myself, and to get out of an abusive household. At the time I was still like, you know, living under my grandmother's roof and it was not a pleasant experience, unfortunately.

So I wanted to support myself, to kind of get out of that.

Unfortunately, you know, I was very new to everything.

I didn't really have, you know, any knowledge on the best ways to make profits and to market myself and my work…basically my content.

So, I was really unsuccessful in making money, or supporting myself, off of sex work in the beginning. But that is how I started.

I was probably around 17 to 18 years old.

Komi: Oh, wow.

So, it sounds like you were actually underage at the time.

Were the people that you were involved with aware of that?

Callie: Um, not that I know of.

Komi: Did anybody ever ask you how old you were or show any concern about your age?

Callie: Um, people ask, like, not really out of concern, but like, wanting to get to know you, like, how people ask the question “what's your name?”

Like, “What’s your real name?”

So to me, it was a question like that.

Yeah.

Komi: I guess it’s telling that they weren’t turned away by your age. That must have been difficult at such a young age.

So, in the beginning, it sounds like you were pretty entrepreneurial, you just went out there and decided that this was something that you could do.

What was it that that gave you the idea that you would be able to do the job, emotionally?

Or were you just kind of curious and you just wanted to try it?

Callie: I'm not quite sure exactly the reason.

My main reason was just trying to survive, to be honest.

Yeah.

And I didn't know how I would get any other job or any other type of work.

Yeah.

I was pretty young.

My only work experience at the time was taking care of a service dog that was in one of the group homes that I was in. But when I left the group home, I was pretty much without insurance, without any income, without any way to support myself.

I had no ID.

Komi: (interrupting) Oh, my goodness.

Callie: ….No birth certificate, or social security card.

Komi: How did you not have that stuff?

Callie: I don't know.

I had them prior to going to the group home.

Mind you, when I was in these group homes, I entered them, probably at the age of 14, so I didn't know how to like, get these documents.

My mother had them, but my mother cut contact with me and didn't want to, like, have anything to do with me anymore, due to CPS getting involved in some things happening at home.

So she was pretty upset with me, even though I wasn't the one who reported the, you know, abuse. My therapist reported that.

Komi: I’m so sorry.

So there was abuse of some sort that caused your therapist to report what was happening, and that's how you ended up being removed from your home?

Callie: Yes, so that's what happened, and I guess, like, due to all of that, I lost the support I thought I had. But actually I realized that the support I had growing up was very limited. 

And so I was pretty much left without any resources.

I needed to take certain medications, and to do that, you know, I had to make money. So, I guess, um, there was a website that I had heard about, where you can be like a cam girl, and work online, and so I was trying to see if I could go that route in order to try and get myself out of the situation I was in.

Komi: So what exactly was going on?

I know earlier, you alluded to something going on in the group home.

Callie: There were a lot of things going on in the group home.

So there were actually several group homes on that campus. Basically, there were residential treatment centers that were also group homes. They had kids who lived on campus and also who went to school there.

One of these facilities actually ended up being shut down.

There was sex trafficking going on.

I was not a victim of like, the sex trafficking part, but I did get exposed to some of the the, you know, effects, like men coming to the windows, where we slept. Kids would go to the city with them and, you know. The place was not ideal, a lot of kids didn't have, like, what they promised us, like clothes that fit us.

There was favoritism going on, so they would treat kids better who were there longer or that they liked better.

They didn’t call kids by their preferred names or preferred pronouns, and they definitely did not honor the idea of alternative genders or preferred pronouns/identity. They didn’t keep up with standards of basic respect. They also would make up things to kind of make you seem like you were not in your right mind. A lot of gaslighting.

Komi: That sounds really awful.

Callie: Yeah. For a kid like me especially, it was not a good place to be.

There was a lot going on. We had to compete for food and I was not eating properly, you know. I sticked with the program though, because I wanted to leave there.

So I stayed there for as long, you know, as I could. I tried to um, stay clean from self harming and just like, go to my therapy, go to the groups, go to their school.

I tried to do everything I could just to get out of there.

I ended up you know, doing as good of a job as I could, considering the situation.

I graduated from the school there-the high school on their campus.

And I was eventually discharged into my grandmother's care.

Unfortunately, my grandmother ended up being abusive, physically and emotionally.

So yeah, basically that ended up happening and I just wanted a way to like, you know, get out of there, because that was something that I had experienced my whole life. Not only with my grandmother, but with the rest of my family as well.

Komi: You mentioned self harm. Can I ask what sort of self harm you are referring to?

Callie: Oh, um, for me, um, I used to, like, use blades, and other sorts of things.

If It's possible I don't really want to get into it…

Komi: Okay, absolutely, of course I'm sorry.

Callie: No, no, you don’t have to be sorry, it's just like certain, like saying, certain things can be a little triggering for me. But I, you know, I was hurting myself for years. I am comfortable sharing that I got into the habit of hurting myself, like, a lot, over and over, like, every single day, you know, in order to cope with everything that was going on.

And I recognize now, that those are not the best coping skills, but that was the way that I got through, you know, everything that was going on at home and in the group homes. It was also the way that I was treated, the way that I was sent to psychiatric hospitals and lies were told about me. My family said that I actually tried to end my life when I never have actually done that. I did have suicidal ideation some times, but I never acted on it, and I did do self harm, but it was not suicidal self harm.

It was more, you know, to help me get through the moment, even though I now recognize that it was harmful to me in some ways. 

But you know, I reached out, and I got treatment for it.

So I guess the trauma that I was experiencing and going through at home and not only at home, continued as I got older. As a sex worker, a person of color, and as a member of the LGBQA+ community, I've always noticed that people tend to treat me differently, or treat me in ways that I don't want to be treated, and they tend not to give me the respect that I deserve. I realize now that I was sexualized from a very young age and that definitely affected me, and contributed to me developing PTSD. At the age of 14 it started. My family did not believe me when I told them my stepdad was abusing me, sexually.

Komi: Oh my God, I'm so sorry.

Callie: Thank you.

Yeah.

Basically, to sum it up, you know, my family doubted and always questioned that.

I would never make up something like that.

I was so young, I didn’t even know what the words were for the activities-how to describe what was going on.

I just knew that it was uncomfortable, and it made me feel, you know, made me feel not well.

And I just felt like it was wrong.

And, you know, it would have been nice to be heard.

And so I appreciate the opportunity to be heard today.

Komi: Yeah, of course.

My goodness.

I did not know the extent of this.

I know we’ve met before and spoken before, but it's incredibly amazing that you've made it out of all this. And that you're able to stand here today and, like, keep fighting. It’s just a tremendous amount of suffering you have had to wade through.

It's hard to segue from that. But headed back, into the area of sex work, can you tell me what some of the challenges were that you faced while working?

Callie: Um, well, how do I answer….I took breaks in between sex work because I had some surgeries that I needed to get done, and you know, at one point I was re-learning how to walk.

I was using a wheelchair for awhile, so when I was doing sex work then, some of the sex work that I did do in the past i’m not comfortable sharing. But basically what it was, was somebody would contact me, men would contact me, and basically they would, you know, tell me what they wanted and I would arrange a time to meet up and, you know, we would set the price for the session. 

A challenge I’ve faced is I’ve traveled places and then, you know, no one has been there.

I've met a client and then, you know, unfortunately (voice breaks) I was sexually assaulted or raped.

I've met a few clients in the past where that did not happen.

But I guess a part of me always has felt  (in the previous sex work that I was doing) that I really did not have much of a choice in the matter.

Komi: Like going through with a sex act, you mean, like once you were there?

Is that what you meant?

Or that you didn't have a choice in doing sex work, period?

Callie:Well, both? When I would do sex work in the past, for me, it was a way to provide for myself. I am disabled and I have limited income and I have been trying to implement that with other things, other jobs, but it seems due to my disability, I cannot work a nine to five job. I did work with Amazon at one point, but they ended up letting me go, even though I mentioned that I had a medical letters, you know, that documented my disability and outlined what I was capable of performing.

That really devastated me.

You know, I felt like I gave it my all. So I got back into sex work, I think in 2003.

So I started that again and I'd say that for me, going back to the question that you'd asked, I felt like I had to, like, I had to do that in order to provide for myself. I needed food, and I needed certain, basic things, necessities…and so that is what mainly drove me to get back into the industry. It was a way of supporting myself. Because of my lack of family, there was nothing to fall back on. My family is unhealthy and mistreated me and others.

It's not an option for me.

I don't have a backup plan if, like,  something happens, or if I can't pay my rent, or if I need something.

Komi: That's that's a terrible place to be in, and my heart goes out to you.

That is precisely why I started Ezili, to help people in that position because, you know, when it comes down to it, the people that get ahead in this life or get through tough things, it is largely because somebody helped them.

They had somebody who could help them.

Nobody can do it completely on their own and coming from the background that you did and having to overcome everything that you've had to overcome, it's pretty much impossible to pull yourself out of that alone.

And I'm sorry that you experienced those assaults during your work. That should never happen to anybody .

I thank you for sharing, as unpleasant as it is to recount these things.

Switching gears again, would I be able to ask what what your disability is?

Callie: Yes, so I have several disabilities. I have functional neurological disorder.

I have fibromyalgia, PTSD, which my many therapists actually think is C-PTSD.

PTSD occurs from not only one event, but several events.

I also have chronic back pain, scoliosis.

I have an autoimmune disorder.

Komi: Oh, wow.

Callie: And I have some other conditions, like a Hoshimotos thyroiditis.

Komi: Are you serious, really?

Callie: Yeah, so I discovered that when I was about maybe 13 or 14 years old, similar to the time that I was supposed to go to therapy and unfortunately, my mother never really took me.

So my depression got worse.

I also have some other conditions as well.

So, it's called Borderline Personality Disorder, and it is due to abandonment in my past.

I have some other mental health diagnoses as well.

So it's really been, you know, like I mentioned, really hard. I was using kicks (supportive apparatus) as well, and I was using a wheelchair.

I had lost the ability to walk in 2022.

Komi: Oh, my goodness.

Callie: I had to relearn how to walk.

I then went into a shelter because I lost my housing.

I was homeless at 17 and it wasn’t until the age of 22, that I was able to get the apartment that I currently have. But I’m always afraid that I'm going to lose it!

I also rely on certain programs.

I just want to get at a place where I feel like I can support myself and, or at least like tell my story and you know, possibly get justice for what had happened to me in the group homes, and in certain facilities. And not only for myself-there were many other victims and individuals involved, like friends that I knew, peers that I knew, acquaintances that I knew, you know, that also went through similar stuff at those places.

Komi: Wow, that's an incredible story.

I absolutely do think you should pursue seeking justice for those situations, by all means.

And I wanted you to know, that many of those disabilities/conditions  that you mentioned are very strongly correlated to sex work and to sexual trauma, like the auto immune issues, the PTSD of course. So, I'm not entirely surprised in a sense, because the body simply cannot endure what you've endured without it showing up in some way. Its very telling that you were diagnosed with Hoshimotos as such a young person, and at the same time as your depression. There is a lot of speculation that sexual trauma shows up as autoimmune issues like Hoshimotos.

I guess, at this point, I want to ask you what you envision for your future? If you could get to a place of, health and stability, what would you like to be doing with your life?

What is your dream job or career?

Callie: Um, so I used to be a tattoo artist, and even though I'm not that anymore (which was due to financial challenges and also challenges finding schooling)….

I'm really open to many things. Whatever comes my way.

I would like to look into bartending.

I would like to look into being a counselor or to study psychology or some type of way to speak with other people who have been through trauma. I understand what it's like to feel, you know, certain ways, and I don't want anyone to feel those ways that I have felt in the past.

So my goal would be like hopefully, you know, with the right resources and opportunity, I would like to go someplace else where people may be more accepting. Where, you know, there is freedom and healthcare. I realize that the way that things have been for a long time, here in the United States, is not a way that people should be living. This should not be normalized and, you know, it's okay to speak up about it, but also it's scary to speak about it as times because you don't know what people's reactions will be, or who they support. You don’t know if they support you (as a trans person).

I just want to be safe and I don’t, to be honest with you. I am from New York City. I was born here, but I have not felt safe here in a long time.

So I just just want to be somewhere safe where I can have good opportunities where I can eventually provide for my friends, where I can do work in a field that I don’t dread. Maybe I’d like the chance to go to school again, you know. I was unable to go to college due to being homeless at 17.

I had to withdraw my application (I was accepted into Dutchess County).

I think it was called Duchess, anyways it was some type of college in upstate New York. and I was unable to take my place there and instead I had to search for housing. I didn’t have the money to go and I was homeless.  At the age of 22 and 23 I was still homeless. It was very recently that I have gotten housing-my own apartment. I have lived here in my own apartment for two years now. I think everyone should not have to worry about basic things such as shelter, food, clothing, water, and health, insurance. In the future, hopefully, I won’t have to sacrifice some things for other things. If that makes any sense.

Komi: Yeah. You don’t want to sacrifice your physical and mental health by doing sex work, just so you can afford the basics. 

Callie: I would just like to feel safe, you know, and hopefully be able to support myself in a way that I feel more comfortable doing so.

Komi: Absolutely.

So to clarify, it sounds like what I'm hearing is that you would prefer not to be doing sex work. You’d like to have stability and be making enough money to meet all your needs without having to put yourself in these dangerous positions (sex work).

Callie: So, you know that I have recently been auditioning and applying to work at clubs as well (strip clubs).

So I feel like there are so many different types of sex work, and that what I was was doing earlier in my life-well there was a huge amount of things I was uncomfortable doing.

So if I ever do return back to sex work, you know, I would rather it be something that I am comfortable doing and something on my own terms, just like anybody with anything in life. It is not only specific to this industry. Everyone should have the ability to be comfortable doing what they are doing. So, you know, I would just like to have that  opportunity, and I would love others to as well.

Komi: (wavering) Thank you, Callie.

I am so impressed with you, and I think you have so much capability.

You deserve a wonderful life, and I just really want to thank you for sharing all this with us. I appreciate it. I’m really looking forward to working with you in the future and helping improve your situation.

So, again, thank you.

Callie: Thank you as well.